Her mother went missing 22 years ago. Now she finds comfort in the past and future

The disappearance of Carolyn DeFord's mother is among countless cases of missing Indigenous women. Without closure, DeFord continues to grieve. But a special memory and a new grandson give her hope.

Transcript

A MARTINEZ, HOST:

Time again for StoryCorps - more than two decades ago, Carolyn DeFord's mother disappeared and was never seen again. Leona Kinsey was Native American, a member of the Puyallup tribe. She's part of the nationwide crisis of missing or murdered Indigenous women.

CAROLYN DEFORD: For the rest of the world, losing somebody - there's a grieving process. We have funerals and ceremonies to acknowledge them. When somebody's missing, you don't get to go somewhere to honor their lives.

MARTINEZ: Carolyn first came to StoryCorps two years ago to remember her mother. But she still had more she wanted to share, so she recently came back.

DEFORD: This time of year, as soon as I smell fall and the leaves are turning brown, I always feel a little heavy, a little reminiscent, a little empty. When I was really young - I was about 6 years old, and I was in the car with my mom. And there was a funeral on the radio. And I was asking her what it was. I said, when you die, I want you to have a big funeral. And she said, oh, I just want to go out into the woods and die in peace. That was just really unthinkable.

And I said, no, I don't want you ever to die. And she said, it's the cycle of life. Everybody dies. Our bodies are just a shell. And they're not meant to live forever. We just get to be here for a little while. And I was upset and crying. And my mom said, OK, close your eyes. And we sat there for a couple minutes. And she said, was I still here? And I said yes. And she said, could you see me? Could you hear me? And I said no. And she said, well, how do you know I'm still here? And I told her, I could feel you. And she said, well, the part of me that loves you - you'll still be able to feel that.

And that story - it just had always helped me find comfort. Every season change has - you know, has something that I can find some hope in. And this year, I'm not feeling the gloom because my daughter's getting ready to have her first baby. He's going to be here any day now. And I'm just hoping that having something beautiful coming into our lives - it'll overwhelm the ugly. It'll wash it out.

(SOUNDBITE OF CHRIS ZABRISKIE'S "THAT KID IN FOURTH GRADE WHO REALLY LIKED THE DENVER BRONCOS")

MARTINEZ: That was Carolyn DeFord remembering her mother, Leona Kinsey. Three days after she recorded this StoryCorps conversation, DeFord's family welcomed Caspian Hayes, a healthy baby boy.

This interview will be archived at the Library of Congress.

(SOUNDBITE OF CHRIS ZABRISKIE'S "THAT KID IN FOURTH GRADE WHO REALLY LIKED THE DENVER BRONCOS") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.