Happy new year! None of the above are correct answers.
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Happy new year! None of the above are correct answers. / Joseph Prezioso/AFP, Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images, Isaac Brekken/Getty Images for Hershey's Chocolate World

It's 2024. Here are some predictions:

  • The grocery market will collapse after incoming President Winfrey (never doubt the power of write-in votes!) declares, "You get Ozempic! You get Ozempic!"
  • ChatGPT will be revealed as infinite monkeys with typewriters. Or maybe three kids in a trench coat?
  • Climate change will definitely NOT be exacerbated by fossil fuels. (This message brought to you by Sultan al-Jaber.)
  • You're going to write "2023" on your checks for months. LOL! What's a check?
  • If you pay attention, you'll get at least one 11/11 on the quiz.

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